Letters to June, #17

Dear June,

Do you have something you don’t like about yourself? I mean, of course you do. We’re not perfect.

Me? There’s a lot of things I don’t like about myself. I don’t how my underarms are quite dark. I don’t like my shoulders. Or my unusually small feet (I can a range from size 2 in kids to 5.5 in women’s) and hands (they look like little girls’ hands). I don’t like how I have to wear glasses; it’s a hassle putting on contacts everyday. I’m insecure about my teeth. And how round my face is and how my hips are – so when I try to wear comfy oversized things I look quite wide. I don’t like how my legs and arms quiver because I’m not very strong. Or how thin my eyebrows are. I don’t like my thighs, especially the stretch marks on them. And I really don’t like my tummy. 

The physical things I don’t like about myself are easy to admit. It’s the emotional and mental things I don’t like about myself that are harder to come to terms with.

Like how I don’t like my indecisiveness. I don’t like my low self-esteem. Or how I doubt myself a lot. Or that I have to give myself a pep talk every time I do something out of my comfort zone. I don’t like how, even though I know there is someone better than me, I use that reason for an excuse not to go for it. I don’t like how I think I have to wait around for a guy to talk to me first when I really want to talk to him. I don’t like how I can’t even talk to the guy I like – or people in general – properly. I don’t like how I still feel guilty for all the mistakes I’ve done when I’ve been forgiven. I don’t like how I can waste so many time and money easily. And how I give in too easily. I don’t like my bad attitude, especially to my parents. I don’t like my shyness and how sometimes my reservations can come off as sassiness. I don’t like my irrational fear or bugs and insects. I don’t like how I don’t say I how feel when it matters (which is almost all the time because my feelings in general matters).

These are not something I tell people right away. But what if we did June? When we first meet people we’re so caught up in making a good impression (which I think is good and important) but we maybe fib a little to try and make ourselves seem better than the “real thing”. But we should really be showing off the “real thing” – our real selves. Because – let’s be real – if they can’t like our real selves, June, do we really want to be around them? Faking things are so tiring. And messy.

Of course it’s very vulnerable to put yourself out there and say “hey this is the real me, take it or leave it” and they leave. But remember that just gives you more room for the people that do want the real you. They’re the ones that actually matter.

Just a food for thought June. I’ll write to you soon.

Love and all the good things,

Lar

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s