Letters to June, #7

Dear June,

I have a bad habit of looking down when I walk. Especially when I walk past people, even people I know. But it’s not like I’m walking with my head down, all sulky and sad. I just tend to look down to the ground or to my feet when I walk.

I will say that watching where I walk is very important. What if there was a hole? Or a puddle of something? Or a bug or bird? I wouldn’t want to walk in any of those and I wouldn’t know if I was if I weren’t looking down.

But I can’t help but look down when I walk. I know how that makes me look: shy, reserved, insecure. Which to my dismay, June, isn’t entirely false. I’m all those things. 

I think it’s the eye-contact with people that makes me anxious the most. When I make eye-contact with someone, do I have to smile? Would that make me seem creepy if I do smile at someone I just, possibly even accidentally, made eye-contact with? Or would I seem like a jerk if I didn’t? What will people think of my face? The whole experience makes nervous.

But today, as I was walking across campus, I looked up when I felt myself looking down. And you know what I saw June?

I saw a good looking guy with earphones on, unfortunately not looking my way, probably listening to music or watching a video. I saw three men in their own golf carts talking with each other, probably catching up. I saw trees filled with white and pink plumerias, and a lot of fallen plumerias on the ground. I also saw two men, what seemed like a mentor and his mentee, talking underneath the shade of a big tree. I saw clouds and nice blue skies. I saw art and sculptures. I saw life.

Looking up while walking isn’t so bad June. But of course I felt selfconscious while walking in front of people (especially men) but it wasn’t terrible. Will do it more often? Hard to tell. Bad habits are hard to break. But I know I want to try.

I’ll write to you soon.

Love and all the good things,

Lar

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