Dear February

Okay so I recently got into this series on YouTube called “Letters to July” by Emily Diana Ruth. You might have heard about it and if you haven’t, please go and watch it because it is beautiful and brilliant. I love the concept so I wanted to do something similar. February is one of my favorite months, not because of any holidays, but because it’s the only month that doesn’t have 30 or 31 days (and also because it’s my birth month). I might do the letters thing for June because I like June too, or I might just wait until next year to do the letters thing in February. We’ll see. But for now, here is my letter to February.

Dear February,

Usually a few things happen here. You are relatively short, February, but that’s okay. You are still one of my favorites. I get older. And sometimes I go on a mini adventure for a day with family and friends who have an extra day off from work. That’s usually it for me.

But this time was a bit different. No. Actually, it was a lot different. A good kind of different. Like an exhale you didn’t know you were holding in. Like a sigh of relief.

You started off with an unexpected surprise. A very nice unexpected surprise. The boy I like texted me. February, you might not think it’s such a big deal – I mean it’s just a text message – but with an amazing person you really like, it’s a big deal. It was for me since he rarely texts me first, or at all for that matter. But that’s just how we are and I am okay with that (usually). You should have felt my heart February when I saw his name show up on my phone screen. It felt like when your thirst kinda makes you forget how to properly drink so you drink so fast that you end up spilling on your shirt. It felt like my heart was going to spill all over my shirt.

He told me about how while cleaning his room he found the hand-shaped card I made him a few years ago when he broke his hand. We talked about that card, and then about his recent vacation, about getting sick, teas, t-shirts and making some of our own. I even tried a bit of flirting, can you believe that, February? Gosh, I know it sounds cheesy. We texted back and forth for almost four hours. You don’t know how nice that was, February. But you probably do.

The boy also finally got an Instagram and added me. I can see your eyes rolling February, but I don’t care. He liked the last photo I posted about Seattle, which is the photo I indirectly quoted him for the caption. Do you think he noticed, February? I can hear you telling me that I’m overthinking things. I know you’re right.

The real surprise came a few weeks after on a sunny Sunday afternoon. You know I’ve been slacking on checking my emails regularly and it just so happens that I decided to check on that day after not doing so for like two weeks. His name was the first thing I noticed (probably because he’d just emailed me the afternoon before). I know it’s cliche, February, but bear with me. That same heart-beating-like-it’s-gonna-spill-all-over-my-shirt feeling started again. I read the email, and after I read it through I read it again. And again. And a few more times just to make sure.

He told me he likes me a lot, as more than a friend, and has liked me for a while now. He recently got the courage to let me know and he couldn’t hold it in any longer. You can be sure I was shocked just as you probably are February. I mean who would have thought this beautiful boy who I’ve liked for years actually likes me back. It was a plot twist I didn’t see coming. Especially now.

He also told me he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. I get that, and I told him I’m also not ready for a serious relationship quite yet. We both decided to continue working on our goals and strengthening our friendship. I thought it was quite mature of us to talk about this in the way we were talking about it. I liked it. But to be honest February, it scared me. Because it reminds me that I’m an adult and I need to grow up more. I won’t be 23 forever.

He said nice things about me, and of course I said really nice things about him too. Seeing his name in my inbox was one of the best part of my days.

You’d like him, February, the boy I like. He’s warm and welcoming. He’s respectful to everyone, supportive, and appreciates my weirdness. The slight wobble in his walk adds to his charm. Even though I get so nervous around him, it’s also so much easier to laugh and breathe and be alive. I catch myself thinking about him and how he likes me too and I get this big smile on my face. It’s disgusting, I know February. But I can’t help it. I’m so happy and excited and scared out of my mind.

I went on a few adventures like seeing the sunrise on top of a mountain and hiking along the edge of a cliff to get to a really nice beach. I swam with fishes, saw whales, and found a heart-shaped rock.

Even with all the highs, there were also some lows. I cracked under pressure. I couldn’t keep it together for one more night and I ended up crying in my closet in the dark. Eventually I pulled myself together, but just barely. I wish I had as much strength a you February.

It’s a Leap Year this year. It’s nice to get an extra day. That day I did some errands with my sister and brother in law before they finally leave to go back home. It was ordinary and chill, but a good day nonetheless.

So a lot has happened: surprises, a lot good things and some not so good things. You’ve left me feeling breathless, but also alive. Thank you for the little push February. And thank you for putting up with my ramblings. I wish you happiness and more adventures.

Sincerely,
Lar

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